Ok, so like thousands of other nerds over the world, Chook and I duly trekked to the cinema on day 1 of Spiderman 3. Our favorite cinema, an old 1920s one on the Grands Boulevards, called Max Linder is usually deserted (a combination of being unknown and usually only playing arty-farty movies), but tonight the queue stretched for miles and, being late as always, we ended up right at the back of the theatre on fold down seats against the wall. To be fair, maybe I thought the film was so crap because of the seating arrangement, but since when has fairness dictated my behaviour? The film was shit, basta.
Actually no, not basta. I should expand. The film was shit because
a) There was no plot: having a bit of black glob fall from the sky and change your wardrobe colour is not plot, it's an excuse to make a black spiderman.
b) The characters are rubbish: Harry is feeling betrayed, then in a coma, then friendly, then evil/possessed, then manipulating, then friendly, then dead. If you were looking for a smooth logic running through this rather confused character then think again. Kirsten, or MJ or marijuana or whatever, is girlfriend, then fired, then cheating, then sorry, then weeping then worried, then angry then hostage then weeping again. Ditto. The new blond guy has got severe pathological psychiatric problems if he thinks killing people is a justified response to losing your job. Not very credible, like the others. In all fairness Tobey, or PP, is cute.
c) There are too many baddies, none of which are any good. Black spidey is, er, a black spidey, sandman (yup, he sends you to sleep) is a murderer with a heart, fanged thing is funny but you don(t see enough of him, goblin junior is obviously too confused to be a decent baddie but still tries, just adding another layer of fluff to the whole thing.
d) ONE good storyline is better than 4 or 5 which do not make sense and do not fit together in any coherent way. Black alien glob, jealous photographer, escaped murderers, cheating girlfriend, amnesic friend, mourning aunt... it's all too much for my little brain! Cynically, I reckon they've started all these storylines (without finishing most of them) so that SM4 has something to take off from...
e) It was boring. You know there are some movies you sit down, get out the popcorn and within 20 minutes, or so it seems, you see the credits roll, the popcorn is half chewed and it's already over. Well, I didn't get that, au contraire.
f) Ok, so the special effects are amazing, shame they invested so much on those and not more on a decent script or storyline.
So, a big disappointment all in all, especially as I loved the first two. Still, a lot of people disagree with me, check it out here.
Actually no, not basta. I should expand. The film was shit because
a) There was no plot: having a bit of black glob fall from the sky and change your wardrobe colour is not plot, it's an excuse to make a black spiderman.
b) The characters are rubbish: Harry is feeling betrayed, then in a coma, then friendly, then evil/possessed, then manipulating, then friendly, then dead. If you were looking for a smooth logic running through this rather confused character then think again. Kirsten, or MJ or marijuana or whatever, is girlfriend, then fired, then cheating, then sorry, then weeping then worried, then angry then hostage then weeping again. Ditto. The new blond guy has got severe pathological psychiatric problems if he thinks killing people is a justified response to losing your job. Not very credible, like the others. In all fairness Tobey, or PP, is cute.
c) There are too many baddies, none of which are any good. Black spidey is, er, a black spidey, sandman (yup, he sends you to sleep) is a murderer with a heart, fanged thing is funny but you don(t see enough of him, goblin junior is obviously too confused to be a decent baddie but still tries, just adding another layer of fluff to the whole thing.
d) ONE good storyline is better than 4 or 5 which do not make sense and do not fit together in any coherent way. Black alien glob, jealous photographer, escaped murderers, cheating girlfriend, amnesic friend, mourning aunt... it's all too much for my little brain! Cynically, I reckon they've started all these storylines (without finishing most of them) so that SM4 has something to take off from...
e) It was boring. You know there are some movies you sit down, get out the popcorn and within 20 minutes, or so it seems, you see the credits roll, the popcorn is half chewed and it's already over. Well, I didn't get that, au contraire.
f) Ok, so the special effects are amazing, shame they invested so much on those and not more on a decent script or storyline.
So, a big disappointment all in all, especially as I loved the first two. Still, a lot of people disagree with me, check it out here.
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