So here we are laughing at the students

As I quite like working as an English language teacher at EL, a language school in Paris, I shall not give the usual scathing review of my current job's stupidity. For that I will have to wait until December, when my contract runs out. Still, it does not say anywhere that I cannot mock my students. In a nutshell, my employer is a language school that specialises in one week intensive courses aimed at corporate employees. The greatness of the method is debatable, but the students seem to like it and actually learn something.

That said, I hear a lot of bloopers : mispronunciations, misunderstandings, false friends (when a word exists in two languages but means something quite different) and so on.

Here are three I have heard so far.

Me - So, Jean Pierre, present perfect, do you have any pets?
JP- Yes, I had a rabbit.
Me- Tense! Jean Pierre, is your rabbit dead?
JP - Yes, I ate it.

Me- Ok! Véronique. Exercise : present simple. Tell me how you make crudités.
V: You take salad.
Me- Article! Véronique. In front of salad.
V- Ah. You take the salad. You boil the eggs. You cut the tomato. You rape the carrot.
Me- Véronique! No, that's false friend. We say grate the carrot.
V- Grate? You scratch the carrot?
Me- No! Véronique. That's french. Rape is grate.
V- Ah. OK. So you rape the carrot.

Teacher - What plant does wine come from?
JP- La vigne.
T- In English. Vine.
JP- Vine (vin is french for wine)
T- And the fruit?
V- The raisin (raisin is french for grape)
T- No. It's grape (grape is french for bunch)
T- And what do we call a collection of grapes?
V- Muesli.